“What is an "instant" death anyway? How long is an instant? Is it one second? Ten? The pain of those seconds must have been awful as her heart burst and her lungs collapsed and there was no air and no blood to her brain and only raw panic. What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding an hour. I doubt that an instant of blinding pain feels particularly instantaneous.”—John Green
This is the post where I casually ‘forget’ to write anything cos I have no idea what to say :-P Okay, lets start from the top, break it down so my mind can deal with it:
Plans : So I’ve fallen at the first hurdle it seems. I have no plans, truth be told. I kinda wait around and hope that other people are going to make plans for me because I’m far too indecisive and unorganised to even think about serious plans. And anyway, plans scare me, they mean having to be all serious and what not, well, if you’re talking about ‘life plans’. I don’t have much in the way of plans as of yet. I’m gonna finish college and then go from there, I’d like to do uni but I don’t know if it’ll happen. I’m not even sure my heart is in it really, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Dreams : Ahh, now dreams i can do. Dreams mean being unrealistic - no one expects you to achieve your dreams so when someone asks you what your dreams are almost anything goes. I’d love to go travelling, get a well paid job to buy a decent house, have 2 kids and live happily ever after. We all know that’s never gonna happen, but there ya go :P
In many ways I would love to own my own businesss, but my auntie does that and I’ve seen what it’s done to her life. She has no time for herself at all, and her children hardly ever see her. It’s such a shame, and the fact I’m a pessimist means that whilst the dream is there, I see the negatives before the positives. So yeah.
Goals : Live life. So that when I’m on my death bed I can say ‘Fuck yeah that was one rollercoaster ride I didn’t mind being on’ rather than being filled with regrets and all that crap.
So yeah, that’s my plans/dreams/goals in a nutshell :)
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Someone who has it a lot worse than I do. Someone who struggles with money problems, home problems and genuinely has a real reason to say they ‘hate their life’. It would make me such a better person, I wouldn’t take the little things for granted like I do now. It would make me realise how lucky I am, and it would teach me not to moan so much about the stupid things that don’t really matter in the long run.
Knowing the distribution of dark energy tells astronomers that the Universe will continue to get bigger indefinitely. Eventually it will become a cold, dead wasteland with a temperature approaching what scientists term “absolute zero”. Professor Priyamvada Natarajan of Yale University, a leading cosmologist and co-author of this study, said that the findings finally proved “exactly what the fate of the Universe will be”.
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Dear Rose on a bad day
It is not okay to put me down or say that I am rubbish. I am a better person than you make me out to be.Stop being so harsh, it does nothing for my self esteem and it makes me feel like crap. I do deserve to be loved but I realise that at times you can’t see that - I realise sometimes you only see the negatives even though there are far more positives that you just can’t seem to see. You should stop thinking so badly about me and remember how awesome I can be. You should love me, always. How else will you ever be completely happy?
Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one
Once Upon A Time….
I used to go on a site called Xanga, which is a bit like tumblr, ‘cept it’s not as good and I never had an account, I used to just read other people’s blogs ( yes, bit stalkerish I know :P ). One day I think I accidentally clicked one of the photos and it re-linked me to someone’s Tumblr page. I wondered what this ‘tumblr’ malarky was all about, had a bit of a mooch around and found quite a few decent sites so I made an account to allow me to follow them. After about 4 months of having this ‘dead’ account that I could ‘stalk’ people with, I decided I might as well try making one of my own - somewhere for me to rant where nobody I knew could see it. And well, that’s that really, been posting for well over a year now. It’s my lovely little outlet where I can moan/rant/cheer/sing/dance all at once and I feel like people are listening (even if they aren’t - I don’t need to know that :P )
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Erm, I don’t tend to listen to particular songs when I’m in particular moods, so I can just give you a rough idea.
Happy - This varies, all the way from cheesey 80’s tunes to modern dancey music. From Dire Straights to Dragonforce :-P seriously, I tend to cover most bases with my music. Pink Floyd is a recurring fave though, must say.
Sad - Chilled out stuff, or depressing stuff :-P A lot of classical kinda stuff like Brian Eno, then there’s Pink Floyd again, Snow patrol, Jeff Buckley etc.etc… Tbh i would be here for 20 years typing out every single artist and song in my ‘I’m sad, leave me alone’ playlist on my spotify account so I’ll leave it at that :-P
Bored - Anything goes. So long as it’s not Jazz, I can’t abide Jazz.
Hyper - Dance stuff mainly :-P David Guetta etc. Sometime I’ll listen to ‘pop’ songs however, modern pop songs that I actually genuinely like are few and far between. Like a bit of Lady Gaga and stuff but on the whole I steer clear from most things in the UK Top 40 charts :-P
Mad - I guess this means ‘mad’ as in angry since we’ve already had ‘hyper’. Well, when I’m angry I do tend to chuck on some of the more vicious, fast paced stuff. Mainly stuff my bf tells me about, since he’s a bit of a metal head and that tends to be quite ‘angry’ music at times :P
I know it’s not specifics, but that’s cos I can’t give you them I’m afraid - I’ll listen to anything me :-)
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Now, this has to be my college AS results :-D Genuinely believed I was going to look on that screen and see either a load of U’S or D’s. What I actually got what completely the opposite :
History - A
Media - A
English - A
Business - B
I was thrilled! So pleased!
Means I’ve got a good base to go into next year and it will help me a lot getting decent grades for the full A level. Just need to keep it up :-P something i’m not sure I can be bothered to do anymore, theres so much more to life than just grades and crappy eduacation :D
Well, it’s 21st August already! So my main goal for the remainder of this month is to enjoy the rest of my summer, I’ve worked a lot of it and I still need to chillout a bit, have time to myself and stuff before I go back to college. Need to make sure I see a lot of my friends, make special effort to see them. Need to spend lots of time with my boyfriend before he goes back to Uni. Should probably start ( and finish ) the summer work set for me by college too I guess ¬¬ I guess my goals, going into early September would be…TURN 18! YAY! and errr yeah, that’s about it. I don’t really do goals, cos I never stick to them and then feel bad :-P
Well, when I first went to post this entry I was like ‘but i don’t even like any superheroes!’ so I went on good ol’ wikipedia and it turns out that apparently doctor who is a super hero, so I’m gonna run with that :-P Mainly because I like the programme…but also because I would kill to have a time machine ;)
I guess having trichotillomania probably comes near the top of the list. It’s basically where you have insanely strong urges to pull your hair out and you can’t really stop. I know people that have it really badly and they pull out huge patches from the hair on their head and end up half bald. I only have a minor type of it now, I used to have it really badly where I would pull out all my eyelashes ( and i mean all of them ) and stuff, but these days I manage to control myself a lot more, thank god. My sister had it when she was little too,but she’s gotten over it. I’ve still got it though, and it’s still frustrating as hell when I have a bad day - it only takes one stress filled minute for me to ruin weeks of good work, and it doesn’t grow back overnight dammit!
Wow, I’m such a freak =/
So yeah, that’s a habit I wish I didn’t have I guess.
I guess I could have talked about something a bit more normal…but hey :-P
Ahh well there isn’t much to say here really, it’s pretty self explanatory. I am indeed a dreamer :)
Dreams are random and obscure, they rarely make sense and often leave you wondering what an earth is wrong with your mind. That pretty much sums up this blog.
Someone once said I was a bit of a daydreamer because I’m forever talking a lot of rubbish about going to the moon, running through fields at midnight with only the stars for company. They told me I don’t take my life seriously enough, but to be honest I try not to.
Sometimes believing in that kind of madness is the only way to keep yourself sane.
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
1. I’ve been in only one relationship, the one I’m currently in. And it’s been going for nearly a year and a half, yay! go us :-D
2. My favourite food ever has to be bakewell tarts. Buy me a box of 6 Mr.Kipling’s and I’m yours forever (or at least until I’ve eaten them all) :-P
3. I haven’t had my natural hair colour for about 3.5 years, it’s a terrible blondey brown and I hate it. I much prefer being dark (Y) 3 cheers for dark hair :D altho there was one time the hair dressers made me blonde…bad times indeed ¬¬
4. I wish i had a professional camera, like one of those snazzy Nikon SLR ones or something. I love photography and even if I am appallingly bad at it, who cares?
5. I’m 18 in 18 days =D
6. I’m really too antisocial for my own good, I tend not to branch out or make huge amounts of effort with lots of people. That’s something I always feel bad about. Something I should probably work on really…
7. I want to go to Uni to study Marketing/Management/Business. Exactly what/why/where or how, is another story. I’ll get back to you on that.
8. During School/College holidays my sleeping pattern always messes up. To the point where I go to sleep at ridiculous times, such as 5am. Last year there were periods where I was lasting on 2 hours sleep a night.
9. My most favourite song ever is Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd ♥
10. I am about 70% pessimist, 30% optimist. I enjoy moaning :-P
11. I hate feet. Eugh. Just don’t even go there. Why do they even exist?!
12. I love tea. It’s one of, if not my most favourite drink. Only my boyfriend seems to be able to make it the way I like it ; half water, half milk, one sweetener. It’s ‘Anaemic tea’ apparently ; ‘not proper tea at all’ :-P
13. One day I would love to go to New York, just to say I’ve been there. And also to see if it’s all it’s cracked up to be, I’m thinking it probably isn’t but hey ho, its worth a shot :-)
14. I hate roller coasters, thrill rides and theme parks in general. Even the teacup rides can be a bit much for me sometimes. I’m being serious.
15. Term of endearment that I overuse the most : Chicken :-D
“Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me”—Pink Floyd